Letter to Mason re: Sleeping

Dear Mason,

We need to talk.

First, you know I love you right? Because I do. You are my favorite little guy in the whole world and I think you are precious.

But seriously. You are almost a year old. I really need you to go ahead and start sleeping through the night.

Last night, you decided to wake up at 2:00. I left you alone for a while since you were just talking to yourself and kind of whining. I figured you’d put yourself to sleep – I wasn’t trying to be mean or ignore you. But then you started screaming. So I patted your back and told you I loved you. I thought for a second that you were going to go to sleep, but as soon as I left the room, you started crying again. So at 3:00 in the morning (3:08 to be exact) I changed your diaper and fed you.

(Remember Dr. Riser? You love her. She’s a smart lady. And she told you that you don’t need to eat during the night anymore. You are a big, healthy boy, and she told you to start sleeping through the night. I figured you would listen to her, since you listen to everyone better than me, but you haven’t.)

Anyway, so I fed you at 3:08 even though Dr. Riser said I shouldn’t. Because you were acting like you were starving and I was desperate for sleep. So as you were eating, you fell asleep and you were sleeping hard. But of course, as soon as I laid you down, you woke up again and started wailing.

At this point, I did something I kinda feel bad about. We can go ahead and add this to my list of bad mommy moments. I’m not proud of it, but I went back to bed and turned off the monitor. Of course that really makes no sense because then I’m just straining my ears to listen for your cry, but I was desperate kid!

Finally I couldn’t take it anymore and I went to pat your back again. In the process I dropped my flashlight and it rolled across the wood floor and hit the wall…I’m sure that helps with the sleeping process. (And for those that don’t know, I use a flashlight instead of turning on lights at night.) Anyway, I rubbed your back for a minute until you calmed down and then I went back to bed. You fussed for a few more minutes, and then finally went back to sleep, around 4:00.

So here’s the deal kid. Your mom is tired. Your mom has gotten up with you every single night for 11 months, and while I love you more than life itself, I’m tired. I need sleep. I have to get up so early for work. My students give me funny looks when I’m running on 4-5 hours of sleep and I can’t form coherent sentences. I’m afraid my principal is going to get rid of me because I can’t find the enthusiasm to be excited about being at work because I’m just so tired.

So I have developed a plan.

1. At dinnertime, your job is to go ahead and EAT the food I have made for you. This will keep your belly full.

2. At bedtime, you will still take a full bottle.

3. You will sleep through the night.

I know, it’s a weak plan, but it’s all I can come up with after 5 hours of sleep.

I love you and I hope you decide to follow my plan. I’ll still love you even if you don’t, but I bet I’m a whole lot more fun to be around after a good night’s sleep.

Thanks for listening.

Love,

Mom